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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?